I’m in love with this picture. (: the cutest dog evvvva and my best friend. (:

You make me feel like nothing now. I don’t feel like you’re girlfriend, I don’t feel like we’re going to make it, I feel nothing. You use to be the one to make everything better, but you’re making me feel like shit. 2 people need their space, but sometimes I need you more than you need me, and you don’t realize that. I’m not the person that needs to always be with you, but I need to know that you’re there, and lately I have never felt so distant from you. Who are you? My boyfriend would go out of his way, to bring a smile to my face, he would send me a text in the morning saying he loved me, he would sit with me when I was sick, he was there for me when I needed him most, he made sure I got home safe, he would tell me goodnight every night, call me babe, tell me I was beautiful, and most of all he was there. Now, you’re not. If the guy I started dating is still there, I want him back, because I love him. Most of all, I miss who I was. You were the one who made me happier than anyone, made me feel loved. Now I’m just angry at you… If you’re still there. Come back, because I’ve never realized how much I needed that person. I miss you.

Thank God for puberty and makeup…. It’s like a 4 year extreme makeover. Haha… Can’t wait to graduate! (:

Things are better today. Went and saw Brooke, patched things up. (: I wrote practically a novel in her yearbook about a story from the bible (I made up) and how it affected her and i’s friendship with one another. Just to make fun of her for posting bible statues everdayyyy on facebook. I liked izaskia 25: 34-82…. She didn’t. Ha(; Then texted Cassie, to see what she was up to. Missed her. I guess the only thing left is to patch things up with Seth. He texted me after work, and we talked a little. Then he stopped texting me, and I got pissed. I sends him a text that said “the least you can do, is tell me you’re going to go to sleep. Instead of me just sitting here waiting for one from you. Goodnight.” I wasssss mad. & he knew it. Idk why, but letting him know I was mad, made me feel better, instead of just pretending that things are okay between us, when they obviously aren’t. I invited him to my church thing tonight so hopefully things work out. I know something stupid like this won’t break us up, but it sure makes it harder on us.

I feel alone. Really alone. I don’t even want to talk to my best friend right now. You know how someone is suppose to be there for you? Whenever… She chose the guy she likes over me. I barely talk to my other best friend, she’s the popular one, she has to keep her reign. Seth isn’t there, doesn’t bother to be there. & my other best guy friend, only thinks about sex and himself. The thing that sucks, is that I’ve had these four, through ups and downs, and now they aren’t there when I need them? I can’t even go to my best friends about my Seth problems, I can’t go to Seth about my friend problems he’s not there… I miss my life. I miss Seth. I miss my best friends. I miss me. I graduate on Saturday, I always thought I’d have them, but right now, it seems like none of them care, and no other feelings compares to that.

People are changing, feelings are changing, an I’m changing. I don’t even know what to think anymore. I feel like I’m losing Seth, everyday more. He use to tell me he loved me everyday. Now he dosent, he won’t even talk to me somedays, and I feel like I’m losing him. I don’t know why, he’s never like this, he’s always the one who wants to be around me… And I’m the stupid one that pushes him away, maybe he’s done trying? I suck at relationships. I really do… Because want to leave before I’m left, I want to save my heart, because he’s the only one that can break it. It’s not fair to him, I love him, I’m the one who always has, I just suck at showing it.

Had an interview today, for our city’s pool. As a cashier. It’s the best summer job you can get here in our town, besides a lifeguard and at dutch brothers, a coffee place. So I think sitting on my butt, hanging out with an old friend from elementary school, whose an ex lifeguard that just had his knee surgery & who is extremely attractive…. Can’t be too bad. Plus I finally get to wear whatever I want, like a tank top & shorts… Instead of a uniform is pretty great. & watching hot guys, going in the boys locker room, doing nothing & more hot boys…. Oh and the pool is by Seth’s house, do I can go whenever I want ((((((: yay.