Spent the weekend at Eastern and Spokane with my best friend, for our friends birthday. Love my ladies! ❤✌

I’m too scared to lose the happiness because I may never have it again. I began to lose myself every time, piece by piece. Sometimes I don’t recognize it, but I always believe it is this crazy indescribable love, that is irreplaceable. Every time, I realize how replaceable I really am. I let it happen. I’m never really heartbroken, I guess after 4 times, your heart becomes numb. You don’t cry. You don’t complain. You just go to bed, and wake up empty. I guess I’ve gotten so use to it, that I’ve accepted this as love here on earth. Every time I hate myself cause I let it happen again. Every time I fall farther away from God, but every time I remember how much loved I feel when I’m with him.

Wow. I’ve really sucked at Getting on Tumblr lately…

My life is pretty much a big pile of poop at the moment. I’m stuck between liking someone I shouldn’t, and not knowing if we’re over or not, my parents not trusting me, wanting to get the hell out of this house and living on my own, annoyed by my classes at school, not driving my car until I fix it, pay for the damages, going through the motions everyday, and pretty much feeling like the biggest loser ever.

On a brighter note, I found a AMAZING shampoo that makes my hair feel great and look great. & I may be getting a job as a Optical Assistant, and if I do, I’m applying for Madison Techs Optician technical program. (: but that won’t be unless I get everything figured out for sure. But at least I know what I want to do.

I just hate being 18, and soon to be 19. SUCKS. I’m literally suck between and child and an adult and I just want to be out on my own.

Mehhhhh.

Life as a DJ’s girlfriend… Promoting his music. & His name popping up on my playlist screen, is pretty damn cool. Go check him out on soundcloud. (:

January 1, 2013

My mom kept calling me to get home, kept texting me, and asking me where i was, which made me upset. I ran out of Jays house, not bothering to kiss him goodbye, just telling him to leave me alone. He kept trying to calm me down, but that made me more mad.

I went to my car, got in and started to go home. The road I was on, curves into another street, and without paying any attention I kept going straight, looking down at my phone, the texts my mom kept sending me, and right into the curve sign and into a ditch.

It really was like my life flashed before my eyes, because all I remember is, “is this really happening” I panicked and didn’t bother to let my foot off the gas, and somehow managed to get the car back on the road. I was completely sideways, and could have flipped. The sign also, could have driven right in the windows and killed me, but it didn’t. By some miracle, my car completely went back on the road.

There’s damage to the car, and it isn’t running properly, and the front headlight his out, but I’m alive.

I left angry and upset and it got the best of me. I could have left this world angry and never made peace with the people in my life. But somehow God gave me another chance, and it’s my job not to let him down.

We would sit in a lonely room upstairs. The light of the moon, come in from the windows, and the sound of roosters crowing at 3am, because we would lose track of the time. The room was completely empty other than a mattress lying there, with only a blanket and a couple shirts on the floor. It was always so cold up there, so I would wrap the only blanket around my back, sitting up facing toward you as you lay there staring up at the ceiling completely lost in your thoughts. We hardly ever agreed on the same subject, but that was the beauty of it. It opened up the eyes for the both of us, as to why we believe the way we do. We would listen to each other, and that was something we both never had.

This moment. The simple moment. Everything is gone. Every stress, every worry, every pain and suffering is gone, because for one moment love takes over and sets you free.

❤

In time, we will be the person that we took so damn long piecing together. We will be stitched together with mistakes, regrets, and nights that we won’t forget. We will soon forget the feelings we had for someone, and try and understand a new feeling with someone else. We will guard our heart constantly, and some of us will fall too easily, while some of us are still collecting our thoughts. A lot of the time, we will worry our parents about our decisions, and they may be quick to judge the people in our life. Dont let the fear of judgment and opinion stop you, from what you love. The key is, to always remain true to who you are, never let someone influence you into bad. Whether we do this or not, we learn a lesson about life. We create new memories and feelings and even it it may be for a short while, we are happy. Never regret happiness.

I may have made a few mistakes, but without it, I would never have learned my lesson. So let me be. Let me continue to make mistakes, because I’ll always remain curious and regretful if I don’t. I’ll become a better person. So let me continue being the girl that makes mistakes. That’s life. & I want to continue being the girl who learned her lesson, than the one who never learned at all.

Took Jay to the doctor this morning. He ended up knocking out on my lap, before the doctor came in. He’s so sweet just sitting there, fully content just being with me, even though he feels completely miserable. I really do love, these little things about life. The simple comfort of one another, means so much to someone. The simple act of kindness, and going out of your way to make someone feel better, its pure bliss.

I’m so drawn to you, because of how much life is inside of you. You’re a free spirit, you have found your identity and embrace it fully. You have so much passion and put it in everything you do. Your love for music is intriguing. I can sit there and watch you master all of the pieces. I can listen to you talk all day about each synth and how much bass is needed.

It amazes me how quick people are to judge you. You are no considered the “party boy” because you go to shows and festivals. What they don’t know, is you go because of the music. Not to dance with random girls, but to dance by yourself. You can stand there with your arms raised in the air, eyes closed, not moving at all, but focusing on the music. Depicting each sound, and completely lost in your element.

That is what makes me so drawn to you, you have passion… While I’m still going through the motions, with a lack of passion and focus on what I really want.

You bring out a side of me, that I never see. You bring out the life in me. I couldn’t be more thankful.