|—||Big Daddy Weave|
I really feel bad for you. I feel bad that you left someone that would do anything for you, who DID do everything for you. I feel bad that you left someone that cared more about you, than herself. I feel bad that you gave up on something that once meant something to you. I feel bad that you left someone who is trying to become successful and independent in life, someone who dosent cause drama, dosent care what people think of her, someone that is mature and interested in politics, religion, current events.., things that didnt involve Jersey Shore. I feel bad that you gave up on your best friend, someone who made you laugh, someone who helped you when you needed it most.
Honestly. I don’t feel bad for myself that YOU shut me out of your life. I feel bad that you left a woman for any other girl. Have fun getting her out of her training bra, while I’m out to dinner with a business man.
I miss the guy that was too shy to ask for my number, the one that talked to me about turtles because he had no idea what to say to me. I miss the guy that wrote me this, 3 days after we met, because he thought I was pretty. I miss the guy that I thought was awkward and kinda weird… But ended up falling in love with anyway. I miss that night you first kissed me, while you went in for a kiss, and I went in for a hug. I miss that night you first told me you loved me, while walking me up to my porch, and was so nervous to hear what I would say back. I miss that night, I got a little drunk and you babysat me the whole night… Because I wouldn’t have made it out of there, if it wasn’t for you. I miss the guy who use to kiss my forehead when I laid up beside his chest at night. The guy that stayed with me while I was sick, an watched scary movies all night till 3am in my room, until you kissed me goodnight and went home. I miss the guy that would stop by my house after work, because he didn’t see me the whole week. I miss the guy that loved me more than anything without even trying. I miss the Seth that tried his hardest to keep me. If you see him again, let me know.. because that’s who I fell in love with. Not who you are today.
We were barley seventeen, and we had the whole night ahead of us. We were caught up in being rebellious and getting our minds off what really hurt us the most at that time. We drank, till every ounce of care was gone. We both hurt each other in the past. We were barely able to speak to each other without wanting to just fight with one another. We didn’t come to open old wounds. We came to let go of the past, but we really weren’t expecting how drastically things were about to change.
I wasn’t exactly what you would like to call “the right state of mind” and you weren’t either. You took my hand down every step, it’s amazing we actually survived through it. I sat down, barely even able to keep my posture. We both went in to kiss each other, and that’s the moment that changed everything. We woke up next to each other, with not a regret in the world. You grabbed my waist, to pull me closer, not for a kiss, but simply just to hold. We did care about each other, more than anyone could possibly know. We didnt need to tell each other, but a simple touch, revealed it. We may have had a complicated life together, but non of that mattered anymore. You and I were what mattered the most. Feelings, mistakes, and the past all aside, it was us that we needed the most. We may have meant nothing to each other prior, but we became a priority after.
It would have been easier for both of us to give up on each other. To never forgive or apologize. To stay bitter towards each other, but it wasn’t worth it. Look at us now? We could have missed all of this… If we didn’t just take a chance. To this day, we still think how crazy it was that we actually didn’t like each other. We honestly couldn’t stand each other. Now? Now were inseparable. We love each other, through every struggle, we’ve been Hurt by each other more times than you can count of your fingers, we’ve been through everything that was meant to tear us apart, but we came out even stronger. Our only perception of each other was because of one stupid mistake, and a ton of fights. We never got to know each other for what really counts. I would have never known how generous, how smart, how funny, how kind hearted and amazing you are, inside and out. It took one night for everything to change, & it took one apology for both of us to be completely in love.
Think of this. You may hate the love of your life right now, but it takes a simple, “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” for you to live your life with someone wonderful.
I’ve been lied to, cheated on, used, got my hopes up, and got my heart broke by someone who didn’t even deserve it. I cried more than I should have, and I cared for someone more than I should have. I know what it’s like to be treated like crap by someone, and think its perfectly fine, thinking maybe someday they will change, and maybe will we be happy together. I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning feeling empty because you know, they don’t want you anymore. I know what it’s like, when their name comes up on Facebook, having a great life without you, and I know what it’s like to look at someone straight in the eyes as you walk past each other, and have to pretend like every laugh, every kiss, every amazing moment, and all the incredible memories, never happened. That you two are just strangers. I’m here to tell you, that as heart breaking, as emotionally and physically draining it is, and how exhausting it is to still constantly think about them, you will move on. One day, the one will walk into your life, and it may be years from now, but they will come. Don’t settle. Don’t make excuses for someone’s behaviors, and NEVER be someone’s option. The right person won’t think twice about what you mean to them or even consider someone else. They won’t give you mixed signals, they won’t flirt with someone else, you will be able to trust them, and you will be able to be happy, without constantly worrying if it will last or not. One day, you will be in love, and never feel a heart break from a lover again.
We use to be best friends. We talked everyday, you use to call me yours. We use to mean everything to each other. Now, that’s the only thing we’ll remember. Is what we use to be. I’m not saying I miss you, I’m not saying I still love you. You’re not the same person. But the person that you use to be… Yeah, I love him. I always will. I’ve learned that people change and sometimes make your realize that if they didn’t change, you wouldn’t have either. It may hurt for awhile, but after every painful experience you become a stronger individual. You won’t just give your heart out to anyone. Wait for the one who cares more about you than themselves. They are worth it. They are worth every fight, every heart break, everything.