I just received a text message from my ex boyfriend asking me, why I had animosity towards him. It’s an interesting situation, because I do feel animosity, but for ONE reason.

I’m over joyed with the fact we broke up, we had a good friendship and good relationship, my best one yet. He is a Christian, but not my same religion. So truth wise, we had different views, but believed in the same God. He was the one that talked about someday getting married to me, and I would shrug it off. He was always the one to tell me he loved me, and would go out of his way to do things for me. After a while in the relationship, he did nothing for me, he would only talk to me when he needed or wanted something and was pretty much taking me for granted. I was giving him so much, but never getting anything back. I gave him every part of me, and a year of my life to him. Then reality hit, and we both got full time jobs and hardly ever saw each other.

One night, I texted him telling him I missed him, and he told me we should go on a date. THEN the conversation totally changed into the fact that we needed to take a break. (I’m not a break kind of girl, either you’re in it or you can take a hike) and I told him that. It really shows how much someone cares about you, when they are about to lose you. He chose to break up with me.

I was worth a text message to him. My body was worth a text message. My soul was worth a text message. I was worth a text message to him.

I’m completely glad we broke up. I had a change of heart, and have never been so close to God. I learned about relationships and KNOW WHAT I WANT AND DESERVE. It took a heartbreak for God to completely fill my heart.

To my ex boyfriend, I was a worth a text message. To God, I’m worth everything.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it all. I’m still trying to understand how you could just walk away. You were crazy about me, more than I was about you, in the start. You acted like I was your whole world, like i was the only girl you ever needed, those nights we spent together. You kissed me with so much passion, so much love. You use to wipe my hair out of my face when I fell asleep on your chest. You would kiss my forehead when we woke up together, you use to put your arm around me with all your friends, and didn’t care what they thought. We use to spend night talking about our future, we use to laugh with each other for hours about stupid things we thought were funny. We would have done anything for each other. What went wrong? You said you felt a void this past month… And decided it was over. Was it your friends that convinced you I was wrong for you? That you could have more fun being single? I’m sorry, I was busy… I’m sorry you got busy too… But how is anything of what you told me worth losing what we had? That’s what I don’t understand. People stay together for years because they fix what’s broken, not just throw it away. Maybe you will understand that someday, but it will be too late.

We make no sense. We’re not a label anymore but all the feelings are still there, all the pictures still up, all the memories thick in our minds… You would never guess, we’re suffering from a broken heart. I’d rather not be together, than lose my best friend, lose the one person that makes everything better just by being with me… But knowing you’re not mine, is killing me, but I won’t let you know that.

“I’ve never been the kind the ever let my feelings show. I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control…. But tonight I wanna cry”

It’s not easy to pick the pieces back up. It’s hard to forgot every memory. Every smile. Every embrace. Gone.

What hurts the most is there is too many words left unspoken… Leaving me feeling like something is wrong with me…

I had so much faith in you. & it’s all gone. I loved you with everything I had.

That smile isn’t gone. I’m still happy, just ready to move on..

We haven’t talked in ages… I use to be completely and utterly head over heels for this guy. He didn’t like me the way I liked him, but we were best friends. Did everything together. Did stupid stuff together, got into trouble together, faced the consequences together, we use to just park in some random spot in my town, grab a beer and talk about life. Some days we would go and play tennis together, or play with his new puppies his dog just had. We would go to hockey games together. We would go to kick backs together. We use to text everyday. Literally from when we woke up to when we went to bed. We use to sit in a restaurant and crumple up napkins and straw wrappers and shoot them into each others mouth, or my boobs. We were best friends, and he changed everything the day he told me he didn’t like me. I was crushed, and there was Seth. It was a blessing in disguise, because ended up falling for my true best friend.

I guess this just goes to show. Love may hurt, but true love lasts.

Honestly, I’m not afraid of you breaking up with me. I’m scared that I’ll wake up one day with you, and the next you’re gone from this world. I’m scared of losing you. I really am. We are so young, but believe me, I know how I feel. We’re so different, we don’t agree on anything at all, it’s hard to agree to disagree. We shrug it off, like it’s nothing. Maybe later in the future, we will have to face our fears, and realize we can’t be together because of our differences. I’m not scared that we’re going to fall out of love, but I’ve seen two people once in love that have fallen out of it. & I don’t want that to be us. Maybe I’m expecting too much out of us, because of how I feel right now. I don’t know the future, but we have to work for it. I won’t give up, on us. I can’t imagine growing up without you. I can’t imagine not having you here, laughing together, being so completely in love. Opening up, to one another about life at home, and how we feel. We’re here for each other, I just want us, this to last, I’m scared of the future because I don’t know if we will have each other in it. I’m not scared of you changing your mind, I’m scared of us changing. I’m scared that we’re so young, that we will go different paths.

I can go on about how much I love you, but no one will understand, ever. The best I can do, is know in my heart, that I love you. I don’t need to convince anyone how I feel, only you.

My biggest fear is losing you and living the rest of my life without you.

She loves until, she cries. She will never give up, she will hand out second chances so easily because she knows mistakes will be made. She will look at your hand while your holding it, praying that she will see those same hands 50 years from now. She will crawl into bed, and the first placed she goes is right in your arms. Her dream is to wake up in your arms. She loves when you kiss her forehead when she falls asleep on you. She dosent expect you to be there 24/7, she just wants to know shes yours 24/7. She will trust you, but if you lose that… you will destroy her. She will believe ever word you say… unless she knows the truth. You have the power to change her life. Remember she will love you more than anyone else ever will, and your the one walking away from that. When shes gone, shes gone forever.

I’ve learned that if you don’t talk about your feelings to the person who needs to hear them, nothing will be resolved. Feelings may not change but our habits do. You can talk to someone everyday, but eventually you’ll start get one word texts. You’ll get excuses. & You will feel less important than you were without them. Just because you feel this way, doesn’t mean the relationship is lost. It happens in every relationship. You get use to the person, and you feel like feelings are changing, but really, they aren’t. What’s changing is our habits, were becoming lazy and use to the fact that we have them. Relationships are so vulnerable. & should never be taken for granted. One day, the person that was suppose to be there, won’t be. Not because they don’t love you, but because they don’t think you love them.

You know that feeling right in your gut, when you make a decision to do something because your bitter, and want someone else to be hurt by you, because they hurt you. Yeah… Well I have that feeling right now. In the moment, all I wanted was him to feel the way I felt, hurt and alone. Now I just feel hurt by my own actions. It’s like, I know I could have made the right decision and let it slide, but I went too far. & thinking about it, if he did what I did… I wouldn’t even want to be with him. I’m at the point of crying my eyes out because, everything I do to him, is acting like I don’t care. So, I’m sitting here waiting for him to text me… & the thing is, I know he won’t….