We would sit in a lonely room upstairs. The light of the moon, come in from the windows, and the sound of roosters crowing at 3am, because we would lose track of the time. The room was completely empty other than a mattress lying there, with only a blanket and a couple shirts on the floor. It was always so cold up there, so I would wrap the only blanket around my back, sitting up facing toward you as you lay there staring up at the ceiling completely lost in your thoughts. We hardly ever agreed on the same subject, but that was the beauty of it. It opened up the eyes for the both of us, as to why we believe the way we do. We would listen to each other, and that was something we both never had.

This moment. The simple moment. Everything is gone. Every stress, every worry, every pain and suffering is gone, because for one moment love takes over and sets you free.

❤

Took Jay to the doctor this morning. He ended up knocking out on my lap, before the doctor came in. He’s so sweet just sitting there, fully content just being with me, even though he feels completely miserable. I really do love, these little things about life. The simple comfort of one another, means so much to someone. The simple act of kindness, and going out of your way to make someone feel better, its pure bliss.

Woman are divine creates, created by God to carry new life in side of them. Read that again…
How amazing is that? How beautiful is that? That’s a miracle, we humans can create a miracle, on earth. What? Pretty amazing, if you ask me.

I just received a text message from my ex boyfriend asking me, why I had animosity towards him. It’s an interesting situation, because I do feel animosity, but for ONE reason.

I’m over joyed with the fact we broke up, we had a good friendship and good relationship, my best one yet. He is a Christian, but not my same religion. So truth wise, we had different views, but believed in the same God. He was the one that talked about someday getting married to me, and I would shrug it off. He was always the one to tell me he loved me, and would go out of his way to do things for me. After a while in the relationship, he did nothing for me, he would only talk to me when he needed or wanted something and was pretty much taking me for granted. I was giving him so much, but never getting anything back. I gave him every part of me, and a year of my life to him. Then reality hit, and we both got full time jobs and hardly ever saw each other.

One night, I texted him telling him I missed him, and he told me we should go on a date. THEN the conversation totally changed into the fact that we needed to take a break. (I’m not a break kind of girl, either you’re in it or you can take a hike) and I told him that. It really shows how much someone cares about you, when they are about to lose you. He chose to break up with me.

I was worth a text message to him. My body was worth a text message. My soul was worth a text message. I was worth a text message to him.

I’m completely glad we broke up. I had a change of heart, and have never been so close to God. I learned about relationships and KNOW WHAT I WANT AND DESERVE. It took a heartbreak for God to completely fill my heart.

To my ex boyfriend, I was a worth a text message. To God, I’m worth everything.

Today I went through My exs Facebook and all it did was make me really sad, to think of all the memories that we shared, all the times we were just happy with each other. All the times that I knew I could just look at him, and KNOW I was in love.
Why do I feel this way? I know I was in love, but this love is nothing like the true love God has in store for me. So why does he feel the need to put all this meaningless love in my life? Why did I spend a year of my life with someone I’m never meant to be with?
Why did I love him? & Why do I have such strong feelings if this isn’t the type of love God created for me?

I’m still a little confused… And sometimes I still feel like I will drop everything just so I could be with him again. But, then I think of my future husband… And the love we will share. I think of the person that WILL commit themselves to me. I think of how much he will be captivated by me and how much he wants to protect me and provide for me and our family… & that’s what making me move on, because I can either be with someone that didn’t need commitment to have all of me…. Or have someone that is committed and has enough respect for me… that they will wait for me. & honestly… This future husband of mine is becoming MUCH MORE appealing everday.

This lady is possibly the most genuinely kind hearted person I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. You really take for granted the people in your life, and how much of an impact they have on your life. She left for college and I haven’t seen her in 6 months. She was always the person who told me that what I did was bad but always told me that she never loved me any different, or any less. She always reminded me that I have so much value. One night while we were at a retreat for church. We were snuggled up in our sleeping bags, and we just talked for hours. About our mistakes, about the things we regretted most. & her and I just cried. We told each other that no matter how much mistakes we make, we have each other and we always will still have God. She’s the most influential person I’ve ever met… And she’s the one person that never let me give up hope. & I couldn’t repay her for everything that she’s done in my life. I miss her so much, and I’m wishing her the best while she’s continuing away from college. ❤

You always hear of people finding their true loves, but rarely do you hear of the person that was with you on that journey. The person before happily ever after. The person who wiped away the tears, who ate ice cream with you while you balled your eyes out, who makes everyday that much better. The person that you plan on raising all your cats with…. So lucky to have my best friend. ❤

I’ve had a change of heart. I’m no longer going to think of this as a loss, but more of a chance for me to start over. To be rid of the burdens that have consumed my life. I’m not going to subject myself to being an object for a males own pleasure. I use to believe that the only way to gain love was giving everything you have to someone that you believes loves you. My problem? I gave it too soon and for free. Giving your body, your soul to someone shouldn’t come without TRUE commitment. That was my mistake.

I did fall in love. Don’t get me wrong. & everything felt right, until now. Until I’m left without my soul, and without him. If I keep living like this, i’ll feel the same every time someone new comes along.

What I need. What I want, is to share my faith. Share my soul. Share my values. This time will be different. This time, I will find what God intends for me and be the woman God has been calling me to be.

I really feel bad for you. I feel bad that you left someone that would do anything for you, who DID do everything for you. I feel bad that you left someone that cared more about you, than herself. I feel bad that you gave up on something that once meant something to you. I feel bad that you left someone who is trying to become successful and independent in life, someone who dosent cause drama, dosent care what people think of her, someone that is mature and interested in politics, religion, current events.., things that didnt involve Jersey Shore. I feel bad that you gave up on your best friend, someone who made you laugh, someone who helped you when you needed it most.

Honestly. I don’t feel bad for myself that YOU shut me out of your life. I feel bad that you left a woman for any other girl. Have fun getting her out of her training bra, while I’m out to dinner with a business man.