Maybe we will never grow up into the person we expect to be, but we always turn out to be better than we sought out to be.
My dog is the weirdest dog ever. Seriously. He goes into my room, when I’m not home, and chews ONLY my Victoria Secret underwear. Ughhhhhhhhh. I need to close my door more often.
Just over a month ago, I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for finishing up college on my measly hours at costa. Well with a little luck and extra effort, I got the job at the testing center, to pay for college, and today I got the job as front desk at Z Place Salon and Spa to pay for all my other expenses and to save up. I’m so excited to get discounts on services and have to go to work and look cute, that’s exactly what I’ve been wanting. I’ll be working at least 40 hours a week, and going to school, all at the same time. It will be absolutely crazy, exhausting, and frustrating, and maybe challenge my relationship with Seth, but it will be worth it. God is amazing, and he had to make me suffer a little bit in order to be successful, but here I am, and he’s never left my side.
So blessed. So happy.
Goes to show, things have to fall apart to fall back together.
We haven’t talked in ages… I use to be completely and utterly head over heels for this guy. He didn’t like me the way I liked him, but we were best friends. Did everything together. Did stupid stuff together, got into trouble together, faced the consequences together, we use to just park in some random spot in my town, grab a beer and talk about life. Some days we would go and play tennis together, or play with his new puppies his dog just had. We would go to hockey games together. We would go to kick backs together. We use to text everyday. Literally from when we woke up to when we went to bed. We use to sit in a restaurant and crumple up napkins and straw wrappers and shoot them into each others mouth, or my boobs. We were best friends, and he changed everything the day he told me he didn’t like me. I was crushed, and there was Seth. It was a blessing in disguise, because ended up falling for my true best friend.
I guess this just goes to show. Love may hurt, but true love lasts.
Need to vent.
Trouble in paradise. Im really starting to come to the realization that all the effort towards this relationship, is solely done by me. I understand why, he can’t make as much of an effort, because his car got totaled, money issues, etc. I guess I always gave him that excuse… But in reality he can STILL ask me to hang out. He dosent anymore. I understand he dosent want to make me feel like I have to, or that it may be inconvenient for me, whatever… but if I could or if I couldn’t it’s the thought that counts. He makes zero effort anymore. His texts are short and rare and spread out throughout a day, if I’m lucky enough to get one during the day. I baked him brownies for him and his friends, and not once did I get a thank you, or a text after i went across town to bring them over. He hangs out with his friends with me, and treats me same as he always does when we’re together, but I get no say in what we do. If they don’t want to do it, plans change. But what really bugs me, is that I ask him and I to hang out, and his friends invite themselves…. Then change the plans… And he let’s it happen.
I really want him to start growing up, and stop think that life is only going to be fun. He dosent realize life is hard, and he hasn’t grown up enough to know the tough realities of life. His parents are trying to get him to be more independent and pay for his own bills, but he dosent work full time. He’s not going to school. He plays video games, sleeps, and occasionally hangs out with friends. His life is EASY. And it frustrates me because he dosent realize what I’ve been doing for 2 years, was going to college, and working! Which is tough! He went to high school, and didn’t even work hard in it. He dosent know what hard work is. & now, my hard work is paying off… If I get that salon job… I’ll be working 2 jobs resulting in 40 hours a week and going full time in college. That’s tough! And he has no idea…
And a lot of the time, I feel like he takes me for granted. I’ve done SO MUCH for him. Helped him when he needed it, been there when something sad happened, talked to him about his home life, helped him look for a job, picked him up after work.. Brought him to work, paid for something of he needed or wanted it and didn’t have money, I do all of this because I love him. I don’t think he realizes that I work hard to make my money, or that I’m not made out of money and I do stuff for him out of my own pocket. I also don’t think he realizes that there are few girls in our town that actually work as hard as I do, and have my shit together. He’s lucky to have me, he really is. And I do feel like he takes me for granted.
No this is not something we need to break up because of, yes we still love each other, I know he does too, but we have a lot to work on.
Update!
I have not posted in what feels like FOREVER. Gah, life is getting pretty good. Had a job interview for a salon/spa and it went really well, the lady goes to my church, and i went to school with her kids for 9 years, which was pretty ironic. I was pretty nervous at firs and stumble on some of my words, but it went on and started getting more comfortable and ended up feeling like more of a coffee date, just her and I talking. We went off topic a lot, talking about my family and friends, and things like how we both are pretty anal about our pencil and pens, which was pretty funny. So hopefully that was something good she liked about me, was that i was personal, and we had a few things in common. Honestly, i feel like i got the job, but there is a little doubt just because they haven’t called (even though its only monday) and that i need to be doubtful so if i dont get it, not feel too bad. I feel like overall, i did good. They loved my resume, I put a lot of effort into it, making a cover page of the salons icon and a table of contents. Then a cover letter stating who I am, what my goals are, my philosophy on work, and a picture of myself. Then my resume, then 3 reference letters. The lady that interviewed me also told me, how “polished” I looked, and that appearance is important in this job, so I would be getting a discount on services. Which is another PLUS. And i get to wear cute clothes everyday, and have a reason go shop. Also, i really need this job so i can pay for all my expenses like gas and my phone. (which I can’t afford at all right now). The testing center is only paying for college so this second job is a MUST. So I’m hoping to get a call this week from them. Please pray that I do. I wanting it so bad, and I’m this close to it.
I also have been really sick, and just when I thought I got better, I got worse. Which kinda sucks right now, because I just want to sleep, and not look decent for the day. I didn’t even wear makeup to work today… Haha it was bad.
Anyways, I got a new phone finally. I phone 4s, just cause I didn’t want to get a new contract, and still have a pretty new and decent phone. I got it off Craigslist and it’s brand new. So scratches nothing. It’s perfect. I just need that job so I can pay for all the data… Haha. Ugggh.
Anyways. Seth and I are still the same. We don’t see each other alot but no feelings have changed, and we’re still happy as ever.
Wish me luck! Gonna need it!
What drives me crazy is that I’m sooo sooooooo organized. That’s just who I am, my life cannot function properly without order in my life. I’m the type of person who looks into the future and plans on how to secure myself money wise, I keep budgets, I keep my room clean, I keep planners to remind me, whiteboard with schedules, alarms to wake me up. I work extra hard on something I want, and won’t stop till its how I want it to be. I go after everything I want.
My boyfriend on the other hand is the absolute opposite of me. Never thinks ahead of time, doesn’t make a decision till the last second, dosent think of how to spend his money, he dosent plan, he dosent write things down, he let’s things go with the flow and hopes for the best.
I really don’t care how he lives his life, but him not thinking ahead or not trying so hard to get a better job, or whatever, absolutely drives me insane. His life is part of my life, and the disorganization is so frustrating, because I know he could be doing so much better, money wise, career wise just if he gave that extra effort or looked a little into the future to see how doing something could better it.
He is the one part of my life that I cannot live without, but he is also the part of my life, why I feel like going insane. Still. Wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Dear Mom.
I want to apologize for being the selfish daughter I am. I know I’ve back talked, and did everything you said I shouldn’t do growing up, but I never really realized how much you actually sacrifice for everyone else, and still get the short end of the stick. I really do take you for granted, and i dont know if it is because youve always been here for me, and you always will, but before i really never thought about everything behind things that you do, or considered your feelings. When I think about it, it really really hurts me everytime I see you sad, or upset about something. I know a lot of things really hurt you, but you always stay strong and not show it.
When I came home that night, and you sat on the couch with me crying, i didn’t cry because I got in trouble or you found out. I cried because what I did, hurt you so much, and you were disappointed in me. I never realized how much it would affect you, again, i was being selfish.
I want to apologize for every time I made an outburst, about something just because it didn’t go my way. I’m one of the most fortunate 18 year olds there are, I’m use to things going my way, so I know that’s why when one thing isn’t what I want, I get upset. & I’m sorry for always exploding every time that happens & it hurts me to, knowing that everything goes my way, and the person that makes it all happen for me, dosent get what she deserves.
I know you don’t always get the “thank you” or “I love you” when you should, or small little things that just remind you of how lucky I am to have you. I want you to know, I am so fortunate to be your daughter, and even if it may not seem like it, I care. I care about you, the way you feel, what happens to you, everything.
It also hurts me whenever dad calls you a name, or picks on you, because you again don’t deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been the best mother anyone can have, even if you get mad, all of us in the family is lucky to have you, because we wouldn’t have what we have without you, or for that matter be who we are, without you pushing us to be as successful as possible.
I really do take for granted everything you do for me. I just want to apologize and thank you for not completely beating me up when I did something stupid or something selfish. I love you so much, and hope you are feeling better soon.
Jobbbbbbbbb!
I cannot contain my excitement. Ehhhhhemm… I now have a job interview for one of the biggest spa and salon in my city. Front desk position. Which mean since im working at the testing center, my college is paid for, and ill be able to save money this year, and get a new super nice phone, and be one step closer to moving out. How did my life get from super lame to fantastically awesome in a month? Oh yeah, working my ass off. (: I guess I can say goodbye to that god-awful uniform from my first job ( which is also my last day today) and be able to wear super cute outfit everyday of the week…. Yes please.
